What Happens When You Let Them Lead

I grew up in a household with two very different ways of thinking.

My mother was left-brained, and my father was military-brained.

Now, on paper, those might sound very similar. But growing up with them, I can tell you they were very, very different.

They had different approaches to just about everything.

My mother used to tell me that there was always another way to approach the same problem. But hearing that and watching two people approach the same problem differently were two completely different experiences.

Somewhere along the way, I became the mediator between the two.

That's a challenging place for a young kid, and eventually a teenager, to be.

But in becoming that mediator, I developed a skill that has stayed with me throughout my life.

I learned to look at problems from different perspectives.

And I became comfortable with the idea that the same problem could be solved by different people, using different approaches, without my involvement.

Now, that doesn't mean every approach works.

Sometimes someone sees a problem differently, and their solution doesn't address everything that needs to be resolved.

But I've learned that a different approach doesn't automatically make it the wrong approach.

And I think that's an important distinction, especially when you're leading other people.

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When Their Way Isn't Your Way

Think about what happens in business.

You have a problem that needs to be solved, and you've decided to trust someone else with the responsibility.

But then they approach it differently than you would.

Maybe they take longer.

Maybe they ask questions you wouldn't have asked.

Maybe they choose a solution you hadn't considered.

And before they've had an opportunity to work through it, you step in.

You correct them.

You take the responsibility back.

Or you decide that next time, you'll just do it yourself.

The problem with this is that you're training people to rely on you.

You're taking responsibility away from them before they've had the opportunity to develop their own judgment.

And you're creating more work for yourself.

If you're trying to build a business that's less dependent on you, with team members who can share responsibility effectively, you have to learn how to let them lead.

That's where things get interesting.

Because letting someone lead isn't simply about giving them more responsibility.

It's about giving them the opportunity to show up.

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Understanding It and Actually Doing It

This was one of the more difficult transitions in my work with Gary.

We had spent a lot of time talking about which decisions genuinely needed his attention.

We talked about the difference between being needed and being effective.

We even started changing the evidence he used to determine whether he was leading well.

But understanding those things and actually putting them into practice are two completely different experiences.

At some point, you have to let people show up.

And when you do, you're going to discover something fairly quickly.

They aren't going to do everything the way you would.

That's when the anxiety, perfectionism, and desire to control the outcome can start showing up.

You've been doing things your way for years.

You know the business. You understand the clients. You've developed systems and processes that work.

When you bring someone onto your team, of course you're going to train them.

Of course you're going to have expectations.

And yes, they're probably going to make mistakes.

But they may also get things right.

You have to give them the opportunity to do both.

They may not get it right the first time. Or even the first several times.

That might mean they need additional training.

It might mean expectations weren't clear.

And sometimes it may mean you don't have the right person in the role.

But it doesn't automatically mean you should never trust anyone else with the responsibility again.

I think that's where we sometimes make the wrong conclusion.

We assume that because someone didn't do something the way we would have, they aren't capable of doing it.

And that's not necessarily true.

You might be able to do it faster.

You might even be able to do it better.

Of course you can. You've been doing it for years.

But how is someone else supposed to develop that same level of capability if they never get the opportunity?

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Ownership Requires Room to Grow

One of the things I've learned about developing people is that it's much easier to believe in their capability when they're making the same decisions you would make.

The real test comes when they don't.

Can you let someone work through a problem when you already know how you'd solve it?

Can you watch them take a little longer without stepping in?

Can you allow someone to make a reasonable decision that wouldn't have been your decision?

Can you let them experience the natural consequences of their choices without immediately rescuing them?

That's the harder part.

Especially when you've spent years being the person everyone looks to for answers.

But ownership requires room to grow.

We talk a lot about delegation, and most of those conversations focus on what you're handing over.

I think there's another question worth asking:

What are you going to do after you've delegated the responsibility?

Because handing something over and then hovering over every decision isn't really handing it over.

You're micromanaging.

And eventually, people become frustrated, disengaged, or reluctant to take initiative because they don't feel trusted to do the work.

Now, taking responsibility back isn't always wrong.

There are situations where you absolutely need to step in.

But if you want someone to develop judgment, they need opportunities to use their judgment.

If you want them to become better decision-makers, they need actual decisions to make.

And if you want them to learn how to solve problems, they need problems you haven't already solved for them.

Otherwise, what exactly are they learning?

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Your Role Hasn't Disappeared

Letting people lead doesn't mean lowering your standards.

It doesn't mean disappearing or becoming unavailable.

And it certainly doesn't mean allowing decisions that put your business, your people, or your clients at unnecessary risk.

Your job hasn't disappeared.

It's changed.

You establish the boundaries.

You make expectations clear.

You provide context they may not have.

You stay available when something genuinely requires your experience.

And sometimes, you get out of the way.

Instead of immediately giving someone the answer, you support them by asking questions.

• What are you thinking?

• What options have you considered?

• What information do you still need?

• What do you think we should do?

There are going to be moments when you need to make the call.

That's part of your responsibility as a leader.

But if every problem ends with you providing the solution, the people around you learn that when things get difficult, they should bring the problem back to you.

And that's the very system you're trying to change.

Letting people lead means becoming more comfortable with questions that don't immediately end with you giving an answer.

It means leaving some space between the problem and the solution.

Because sometimes that space is where another leader develops.

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Sometimes They'll Get It Wrong

And you know what?

Sometimes they're not going to get it right.

That's okay, within reason.

It's a learning opportunity for them, and sometimes it's a learning opportunity for you.

Anyone who has developed enough experience to have good judgment has probably accumulated some of that judgment by making decisions they wouldn't make again.

I've certainly made a few.

For example, I will never, ever, ever order pumpkin squash soup again.

That's a story for another day.

But the point is, experience teaches us things that instructions alone cannot.

So when you're giving someone an opportunity to lead, you have to make a judgment of your own.

Is this a mistake I need to prevent, or is this a mistake they need the opportunity to learn from?

There isn't a universal answer.

Some decisions carry consequences that are too significant to use as learning experiences.

Others don't.

Part of your leadership is knowing the difference.

And part of developing other leaders is recognizing that their growth may not look exactly like yours.

They may think differently.

They may communicate differently.

They may solve problems differently.

And sometimes, their approach may actually be better.

The goal isn't to create another version of yourself.

It's to develop people who can take responsibility, think critically, and make sound decisions without needing you to guide every step.

That's what happens when you begin letting other people lead.

You're not simply giving away work.

You're creating more capability within the business.

And you're learning how to lead differently in the process.

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This Month's Leadership Practice

The next time someone approaches something differently than you would, resist the urge to immediately correct them.

Instead, ask yourself:

Is this actually wrong, or is it just different from how I would do it?

If the outcome, values, client experience, or important boundaries aren't being compromised, give them some room.

Then watch what happens.

You may discover that they need your guidance.

You may discover that they make a mistake and learn from it.

Or maybe you'll discover that they never needed you to do it your way in the first place.

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A Quiet Invitation

You don’t need to have it figured out. You don’t need to name it perfectly. Sometimes putting language to what you’re noticing is the first step toward understanding where you are as a leader.

From The Executive Desk exists for conversations like this. I create thinking rooms for leaders who already know how to execute.

If something in this letter—or in those questions—resonated, you’re welcome to share a thought or question with me.

Or, join the next Strategy Room.

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